Dear Potatobugs:
It's Groundhog's Day and I honestly do NOT know what all the hoopla is about. I mean, he sees his shadow, we get six more weeks of Winter....he doesn't, I'm still up to my nips snowcones for 50 days. A little request of my dear friend Phil in Punxsutawney, PA...buy yourself a calendar and save us all this nonsense. Six more weeks of Winter put us EXACTLY at the Spring Solstice which, if I remember correctly, comes pretty darn close to indicating the beginning of Spring. Why do we keep this Phil fellow on payroll? In this economy, you can hire my fat human ass to squirrel my way out of a hole to look for my shadow. You'll get the same result, but at least you will get some interesting commentary to go along with this futile exercise. For example:
Aunt Mark SEES Her Shadow:
Lord have mercy on my ass!!! That is one big, pear-shaped shadow just scaring my butt back to bed. Nothing like seeing your outline after six months and settling into the depression that you never lost the holidays pounds you had hoped to. Now your only hope is wait for the stomach flu to get you and you can lose the weight the old-fashioned way. Looking around at all you morons standing in the snow waiting for me to see my shadow is a ludicrous exercise in futility. Just like every year, we will have a shitty February, some nice days that tease us in March, but mostly snow, and in April we will think we are in the clear when the good Lord decides to dump one more blizzard on us around the fifteenth. Now...I'm going back to bed, and if you wake me up one more time there will be some ass-kickings. Look at your own shadows next time.
Aunt Mark Does NOT See Her Shadow:
What in the world am I doing out here looking for my shadow when there is no sunlight? Give me a damn break. I didn't need to come out in this snow and ice to tell you from the overcast that I WASN'T going to see my damn shadow. Its like looking for your shadow in a windowless room at midnight. There will be no shadows. However, since you are waiting for my assessment, here goes: Just like every year, we will have a shitty February, some nice days that tease us in March, but mostly snow, and in April we will think we are in the clear when the good Lord decides to dump one more blizzard on us around the fifteenth. Now...I'm going back to bed, and if you wake me up one more time there will be some ass-kickings. Look at your own shadows next time.
Six of one / half -a-dozen the other. Get that damn Groundhog off of payroll. Perhaps if we stopped waiting for a rodent to crawl out of a hole to see his shadow and pulled our own heads of the proverbial hole and saw the light, we could save a lot of time and energy. Winter is her until the first of May. Aunt Mark has spoken.
It's Groundhog's Day and I honestly do NOT know what all the hoopla is about. I mean, he sees his shadow, we get six more weeks of Winter....he doesn't, I'm still up to my nips snowcones for 50 days. A little request of my dear friend Phil in Punxsutawney, PA...buy yourself a calendar and save us all this nonsense. Six more weeks of Winter put us EXACTLY at the Spring Solstice which, if I remember correctly, comes pretty darn close to indicating the beginning of Spring. Why do we keep this Phil fellow on payroll? In this economy, you can hire my fat human ass to squirrel my way out of a hole to look for my shadow. You'll get the same result, but at least you will get some interesting commentary to go along with this futile exercise. For example:
Aunt Mark SEES Her Shadow:
Lord have mercy on my ass!!! That is one big, pear-shaped shadow just scaring my butt back to bed. Nothing like seeing your outline after six months and settling into the depression that you never lost the holidays pounds you had hoped to. Now your only hope is wait for the stomach flu to get you and you can lose the weight the old-fashioned way. Looking around at all you morons standing in the snow waiting for me to see my shadow is a ludicrous exercise in futility. Just like every year, we will have a shitty February, some nice days that tease us in March, but mostly snow, and in April we will think we are in the clear when the good Lord decides to dump one more blizzard on us around the fifteenth. Now...I'm going back to bed, and if you wake me up one more time there will be some ass-kickings. Look at your own shadows next time.
Aunt Mark Does NOT See Her Shadow:
What in the world am I doing out here looking for my shadow when there is no sunlight? Give me a damn break. I didn't need to come out in this snow and ice to tell you from the overcast that I WASN'T going to see my damn shadow. Its like looking for your shadow in a windowless room at midnight. There will be no shadows. However, since you are waiting for my assessment, here goes: Just like every year, we will have a shitty February, some nice days that tease us in March, but mostly snow, and in April we will think we are in the clear when the good Lord decides to dump one more blizzard on us around the fifteenth. Now...I'm going back to bed, and if you wake me up one more time there will be some ass-kickings. Look at your own shadows next time.
Six of one / half -a-dozen the other. Get that damn Groundhog off of payroll. Perhaps if we stopped waiting for a rodent to crawl out of a hole to see his shadow and pulled our own heads of the proverbial hole and saw the light, we could save a lot of time and energy. Winter is her until the first of May. Aunt Mark has spoken.
I just screeched with laughter. Absolutely perfect. I think Aunt Mark and I are related.
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