Dear Potatobugs:
Lots of business to cover today, and as old mumsy used to say, "Tis best to shit or get off the pot." So...here goes...
First and foremost, a shout out to my dear friend "Barnsy" up in the North Country. Happy Birthday to ya and may their be more than candles to blow at the end of this auspicious occasion ...Hey, hey, hey...I meant packages to open!!! Get your minds out of the gutter.
Also...don't forget to write your "Dear Auntie" letters for advice and get them in to me by Thursday so I can pull something out of my butt for Friday. Remember: you can send then to auntmark22@gmail.com, and make sure you put "Letter to Auntie" in the subject line. Please..I know many of you way too well...I know you need me to solve your problems.
Okay...on to complaining....
I just found out last night that a dear friend of mine is getting married, and you know how I feel about people tying the knot. There is a reason why marriage is referred to as an "institution" and I hope you have the money for padded wallpaper if you plan to "check-in." What I really think it comes down to ladies, is that we are a sucker for a pretty dress, a party, and lots of leftover cake. What we haven't managed to grasp is that we can have all of this and not have to get saddled with someone else's poor credit and in-laws. I talked to a person who spent $120,000 on a wedding just a few years ago. This seems insane to me. I mean, honestly...you can buy out the Red Lobster for an entire evening for an eighth of that, invite just the people you like, lay out another 5,000 for booze and still come in 75% under what that poor sap shelled out for the guarantee of six toaster ovens and a salad shooter.Hell, I bet you could get Charlie Sheen to go for a BYOB party.
But where weddings and Jeff Stryker are concerned, apparently SIZE does matter. Everyone has to have the biggest and bestest wedding, outdoing their friends and family with photographers, invitations, flowers, D.J's, caterers, musicians and even doves that fly through and crap on everyone. It seems like such a waste to me, for a day that will statistically end in divorce. Why not have the couple put that money in the bank toward the divorce lawyer and a down payment on a duplex? Then have the smaller party I suggested.
The problem is, we feel obligated to invite everyone know. What is worse, those who are invited to go, feel obligated because they think it is so sweet to be thought of. It's a vicious pattern people...that mounts the nationwide consumption of fish or chicken and drives the cost of your wedding up to the stratosphere. So Aunt Mark suggests you follow these suggestions in creating your guest list:
1. Pick five family members you can stand to be with and invite just those five. Let's face it, you are only doing this to drink with your friends anyway and inviting family is just a political correctness thing. Just get a few there to make a good show of it.
2. Don't invite old teachers to your wedding. Teachers make crappy wages and they barely remember you anyway. Don't ask them to shell out their summer paycheck on Home Depot gift cards. They have magic markers and glue to buy, since the education system of America gives them almost nothing to work with!
3. Once you've narrowed down the list, take who have you have left and put them in a hat. Draw half of these names, invite them,. discard the rest and don't even look at who didn't get invited. You'll be so busy or too drunk the day of the wedding, you wont notice.
The one thing, Aunt Mark suggests is getting a quality ring. Insist on it, as a matter of fact. You never know when you will need something to pawn in order to pay for a hit-man....I mean...mediator.
Aunt Mark's colleague Kookie has just started her blog. She's a bit perky, but you should check her out and click her ads. She has great recipes and household hints. You can visit her at kookieskozykitchen@blogspot.com. And, of course, don't forget to CLICK on Aunt Mark's ads as well. It's what pays the bills and allows me to keep offering my services to mankind!!!
Lots of business to cover today, and as old mumsy used to say, "Tis best to shit or get off the pot." So...here goes...
First and foremost, a shout out to my dear friend "Barnsy" up in the North Country. Happy Birthday to ya and may their be more than candles to blow at the end of this auspicious occasion ...Hey, hey, hey...I meant packages to open!!! Get your minds out of the gutter.
Also...don't forget to write your "Dear Auntie" letters for advice and get them in to me by Thursday so I can pull something out of my butt for Friday. Remember: you can send then to auntmark22@gmail.com, and make sure you put "Letter to Auntie" in the subject line. Please..I know many of you way too well...I know you need me to solve your problems.
Okay...on to complaining....
I just found out last night that a dear friend of mine is getting married, and you know how I feel about people tying the knot. There is a reason why marriage is referred to as an "institution" and I hope you have the money for padded wallpaper if you plan to "check-in." What I really think it comes down to ladies, is that we are a sucker for a pretty dress, a party, and lots of leftover cake. What we haven't managed to grasp is that we can have all of this and not have to get saddled with someone else's poor credit and in-laws. I talked to a person who spent $120,000 on a wedding just a few years ago. This seems insane to me. I mean, honestly...you can buy out the Red Lobster for an entire evening for an eighth of that, invite just the people you like, lay out another 5,000 for booze and still come in 75% under what that poor sap shelled out for the guarantee of six toaster ovens and a salad shooter.Hell, I bet you could get Charlie Sheen to go for a BYOB party.
But where weddings and Jeff Stryker are concerned, apparently SIZE does matter. Everyone has to have the biggest and bestest wedding, outdoing their friends and family with photographers, invitations, flowers, D.J's, caterers, musicians and even doves that fly through and crap on everyone. It seems like such a waste to me, for a day that will statistically end in divorce. Why not have the couple put that money in the bank toward the divorce lawyer and a down payment on a duplex? Then have the smaller party I suggested.
The problem is, we feel obligated to invite everyone know. What is worse, those who are invited to go, feel obligated because they think it is so sweet to be thought of. It's a vicious pattern people...that mounts the nationwide consumption of fish or chicken and drives the cost of your wedding up to the stratosphere. So Aunt Mark suggests you follow these suggestions in creating your guest list:
1. Pick five family members you can stand to be with and invite just those five. Let's face it, you are only doing this to drink with your friends anyway and inviting family is just a political correctness thing. Just get a few there to make a good show of it.
2. Don't invite old teachers to your wedding. Teachers make crappy wages and they barely remember you anyway. Don't ask them to shell out their summer paycheck on Home Depot gift cards. They have magic markers and glue to buy, since the education system of America gives them almost nothing to work with!
3. Once you've narrowed down the list, take who have you have left and put them in a hat. Draw half of these names, invite them,. discard the rest and don't even look at who didn't get invited. You'll be so busy or too drunk the day of the wedding, you wont notice.
The one thing, Aunt Mark suggests is getting a quality ring. Insist on it, as a matter of fact. You never know when you will need something to pawn in order to pay for a hit-man....I mean...mediator.
Aunt Mark's colleague Kookie has just started her blog. She's a bit perky, but you should check her out and click her ads. She has great recipes and household hints. You can visit her at kookieskozykitchen@blogspot.com. And, of course, don't forget to CLICK on Aunt Mark's ads as well. It's what pays the bills and allows me to keep offering my services to mankind!!!
Oh have you hit a nerve on this topic! A co-worker has announced she is getting married. I have a hard time buying her commitment when she discusses the importance of getting married in "the church" and divorce in the same sentence. It is going to be a long summer.
ReplyDeleteAHEM!!! SOME TEACHERS do remember their students! lol.. and thanks for the birthday fishes...I mean, wishes!
ReplyDelete