Keeping Your Light Under a Bushel...Karaoke Anne Frank Style

Dear Potatobugs:

    Aunt Mark was at her local bar the other night, drinking her vodka collins with a lemon twist, when what to my poor ears should commence, but an evening of karaoke singing. Why is it that, at these special moments of karaoke, there is always a table full of drunken bimbos ready to be the first at the microphone? Without a doubt, one or all of these screeching harpies will be the first to the microphone to regale us with their slobbering version of "I Say a Little Prayer." Karaoke, my dear readers, is the armpit of the music world and don't let anyone fool you into thinking that this is something that should be done in public.

    Now don't get me wrong: in the privacy of your own home, I have no problem with you getting liquored up and putting on your Bieber, your Underwood, your Gaga or your Shania. As a matter of fact, your attic or basement in the perfect place for you to figure out that you have no vocal talent. Let's face it...most people who step up to a karaoke microphone have NO BUSINESS singing in public and it is time someone spoke up and said so. Even if you ARE a good singer, the balance of the voice against the cheesy musak version of "Karma Chameleon" or "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" you are going to sing is not going to show you at your best. That is why Anne Frank never went out to sing karaoke in public. She knew better to keep that light under a bushel, sing in the attic,and then she took a break and wrote a moving piece of literature.

    So... do what Aunt Mark does. Put on you your favorite spandex outfit, leg warmers, wrist bands and head bands, set the karaoke machine up in the well insolated basement, and sing "Superfreak" to the mice. Not only am I saving the world from the ear drum splitting pain, but it works like the Pied Piper in reverse...see how the rodents scurrry away with their little paws over their eyes and ears.